June 2012
3 posts
3 tags
Sometimes I just need the southern rock.
3 tags
Reblogging because it's DEAD ON: My summary of...
Ana: I am clumsy and I don't know I'm beautiful and I'm innocent and unaware.
Ana: You can call me Bella 2.0
Christian: I am very powerful and I get what I want! And I'm gorgeous.
Christian: And my eyes are gray. And my ties are gray. And my last name is "grey."
Christian: And I'm going to stalk you!
Ana: OMG I say I hate it but I secretly love it!
Christian: Stop biting your lip.
Ana: You're so mysterious!
Christian: I saved your life.
Ana: I'm druinnunkkk.
Jose: TEAM JOSE!
Ana: Josee noo omfg
Christian: You're at my house now!
Ana: He's so demanding and I love being told what to do!
Ana: I just met you. And this is crazy. Take my virginity. And whip me maybe.
Christian: Wow, I've never had normal people sex before!
Ana: Is that foreshadowing?
Christian: Here is the torture chamber I have built into my mansion. No one can hear you scream.
Ana: I don't even know what half this stuff is but I want to nibble your nutsack.
Christian: Sign this and become my sex slave!
Ana: There are too many rulessss.
Christian: Sign this!
Ana: You have to make love to me first.
Christian: Stop biting your lip!
Ana: I'm going to Georgia to see my mom!
Christian: Hi Ana's mom. I put metal anal beads in your daughter's asshole.
Ana's mom: OMG Ana's he's amazing!
Christian: I bought your daughter a car.
Christian: You can call me Edward 2.0!
Ana: Take me to your parents' house!
Christian: I am going to fuck you in my boathouse!
Christian: The contract is officially null and void btw
Ana: Punish me anyways!
Christian: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT STOP FUCKING BITING YOUR LIP ANA
Ana: Why are you this way?
Christian: I was this older lady's sex slave and we're still friends.
Ana: wut
Christian: yeah
Ana: Let's cuddle
Christian: NO DON'T TOUCH ME
Ana: Beat the shit out of me. I know it turns you on.
Christian: you don't have a submissive bone in your body
Christian: okay here's my belt.
Ana: ow what the fuck!
Ana: YOU ARE FIFTY SHADES OF FUCKED UP!
Ana: And now I am suddenly a strong woman conscious of my boundaries!
Ana: And I love you!
Ana: So bye!
Christian: Ok.
-The End-
*********
*********
*********
This is the most amazing thing EVER. hahahahaha.
3 tags
May 2012
56 posts
3 tags
How to finish that last minute assignment
prettyflyforaredspy:
ruemex:
disgruntledota:
leetakeuchi:
I can not count the number of times this trick has saved my ass.
And people say Tumblr doesn’t teach you life skills…
this will come in handy one day
And this is why I open all email attachments the day the assignment is due to make sure my students are not trying to pull a fast one. Bless their hearts.
4 tags
WatchLove,
Natalie
5 tags
This is not a notebook.
I am attempting not to turn this entire blog into “My Struggle with Mental Illness,” but right now, it seems to be the only thing that itches the tips of my fingertips enough to be typed up.
My doctor would be unhappy to know that I’m putting this on my blog. I’ve been given a notebook to write all my thoughts in. Because they know I’m a writer. Because they think I...
4 tags
Can I have Kimbra’s voice please?
(Also, I was going to put her song “Old Flame” up, but it was too large for tumblr. :(
3 tags
I'm standing in the middle of my kitchen
and the dryer is running. It’s making a squeaking sound that it’s been making for weeks now and I know it needs to be fixed. The water is running in the sink because I have a few dishes to wash. My children are making a blanket fort in the living room, giggling and being happy. My husband is at the grocery store picking up ingredients I need to make my brother-in-law’s birthday...
elstevo said: Sort of The-Awakening-meets-Fight-Club project, then?
Yeah, except for that whole swimming into the ocean and drowning drama bullshit.
2 tags
I’m in the mood to write the great american female tragedy. Something that pays tribute to the caged songbird and her need to explore what exists outside her bars. Something modern that reflects this time in our lives—this time when women are meant to juggle the world, moon, and stars in their hands and not let a single element drop.
I drop these elements all the time. And the...
3 tags
6 tags
fyeahhiddles:
Poetry by Tom Hiddleston - She...
3 tags
3 tags
There is entirely too much Loki/Hiddles on my dash...
Stop being so fucking beautiful you perfect British man.
5 tags
Next on Maury
Hubby: Why are you ordering your underwear from the internet?
Me: Because I can and there’s WAAAAY more of a selection.
Hubby: Yeah, but what if they don’t fit?
Me: They’ll fit. Trust me, it’s my ass. I know my size.
Hubby: But I don’t think you can just send it back can you?
Me: This is some sort of thing for you, huh?
Hubby: Just go to the store and try it on...
1 tag
3 tags
1 tag
And then she decided to see red.
Forgive the ugh. No make-up day and all.
3 tags
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
4 tags
3 tags
5 tags
monophthong asked: I love you. JTYSK.
3 tags
2 tags
That moment when something happens and you can't...
2 tags
3 tags
I lol'd.
Ok, so Fifty Shades is my secret fascination these days (which actually may explain a lot), but this is by far the FUNNIEST tumblr I’ve come across in a while.
50 Shades of Suck
2 tags
For Maruh
Behold! Hemsworth holding his new baby girl.
elstevo said: Erm: wired.com/geekdad…
You shut up. He’s pretty.
3 tags
3 tags
Hawkeye is my favorite Avenger and here's why:
(Almost) Everyone else has “super powers”. Thor is a god. The Hulk is a mutant monster who is unstoppable. Iron Man is a smart scientist who can fly and shoot canons from his shoulders and stuff. Captain America is all roided up with his super shield of awesome. And Black Widow has an ass that makes men do crazy things. (<—Yes that is a super power. Shut up.)
But Hawkeye...
3 tags
3 tags
Not just for mommies porn
I was in Target today and this very elegant looking, well-to-do older lady was buying the second and third book of the Fifty Shades trilogy. She was explaining to her friend how wonderful the books were. Her exact words were, “They are a little scandalous, but really, really interesting.”
Now, all I can picture is her pouring herself a glass of wine, pinning her hair up, getting into...
1 tag
3 tags
Hi my name is ______, and I am too emotionally...
34 Candles
For the next four days, I plan to celebrate mother’s day and my 34th birthday by lying on the beach, soaking up sun, and drinking girlie drinks, perhaps with a trashy book.
There better be cake when I get back.
“I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”
– Barack Obama (via newsweek)
1 tag
Confession
Uh…
So, last week I stopped taking my antidepressant medication. I’m not sure why. Usually, if I miss a dose, it’s completely an oversight on my part and I get back on track immediately. But early last week, I actually made a decision one morning to just not take it. This is the first time I’ve done this in a number of years. I know that not taking my medication sends me...
monophthong asked: What do you want for your birthday?
Anonymous asked: <3
1 tag
“I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of...”
– Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5 tags
Insurgent
I need a life. One that does not exist in the stories I read. At (almost) 34, I find that I am a fangirl to the 100th power. There is nothing I can do to stop it. So I might as well just give into it.
I just read Insurgent in about 12 hours. And now I feel like I need to take a shower, bang my head into a wall, and sleep for a week.
And all of this written by a 20-something kid who stumbled...
6 tags
Matt Smith Dancing is the Greatest Thing Ever